Example Commentary Response
May 2000 A1 Paper
The following is a Grade 12 student’s response to 1 a) the Wilkie Collins extract from The
Moonstone. It has been reproduced here EXACTLY as written, so errors of expression,
spelling, punctuation and grammar are included. Look out for them!
The Yorkshire coast provides the setting for Wilkie Collin’s passage extracted from ‘The
Moonstone’, (1868). Title of the passage which at first presented some difficulty to be related to
the contents and focus of the passage. The title itself is composed from two words conveying
nature, - ‘moon’ and ‘stone’. In many cultures it is believed that keeping a moonstone on you
will bring good luck, fortune and happiness. Ironic enough to represent the opposite of the
melancholy and isolation detected in the setting, mood, tone and characters of the passage.
Probably the most striking features of the passage is the abundance of contrasts between
opposite adjectives. We read about ‘beautiful walks all around us’ and a ‘horrid walk’. We can
almost see in our minds the described ‘North sit’ and ‘South spit’. We can picture and almost
feel the ‘backwards and forwards’ shifting movement of the quicksand. Collins effectively
describes the flow of the tide in ‘winter’ and ‘summer’. The passage features two opposite
characters, a young woman and an old man. Mt Betteredge offers Rosanna his beautiful
bandanna handkerchief, whilst she prefers to dry of her tears with a ‘very inferior handkerchief
of cheap cambric’. The possible effect these recurrent contrasts might have on the overall
passage is to convey the dilemma in which Rosanna is found. Moreover, in a deeper analysis,
the passage is rich in natural images which might recall the dark and bright faces of mother
Nature. A raging ocean against fierceful ridges and quicksand which man is bound to escape
and fear, and the beautiful sight of walks and the shore which comfort and inspire. When noting
the above, it made me recall the role of contrast in nature in Mary Shelley’s ‘Frankenstein’,
utilized to convey the mood and tone of the gothic novel.
Nature in Collins’ work serves as a refuge to Rosanna Spearman. A lonesome outsider, with
the physical features of a deformed creature (“to hide her deformed shoulder, 30), who is also
reminds the reader of Frankenstein’s creature, isolated and rejected by those around because
of how it looks and its nature. Though the sole description of the sand-hills are capable of
terrifying anyone who dares to reade about them, (“something goes on in the unknown deeps
below, which sets the whole face of the quicksand shivering and trembling”, 10), this is said top
be ‘Rosanna’s favourite walk’ (23). Despite “No boat ever ventures into this bay’ (17) Rosanna
retires to complete the traditions/tasks expected from a woman at the time (1868), ‘sit, and work
or read’ (21). Collins repeats ‘all alone’ (lines 21 and 30) to emphasise the state of isolation, not
only of Rosanna but the setting’s isolation as well. She is said to have one friend only (24), and
is shown to be not only spiritually lost in heart, but physically too; ‘I saw no sign of the girl in the
plantation’. In the passage’s third line it is described as ‘a melancholy plantation’, cleverly
enough, Rosanna has been placed by Collins in this plantation – lost in a sea of melancholy –
regret, emptiness and desperation, a drama allowed to unfold in the midst of am isolated
setting, which collides into one scene the beauty and rage of the ocean.
Rosanna’s tears are therefore symbolic, she is found crying by Mr Betteredge by the sea – her
isolation and memories are sinking her into a sea of tears, as well as into the quicksand; she is
collasing just as she would be found in such circumstances.
Collins’ truly makes an effort to describe the setting with such mysterious, gothic and terrifying
elements to convey the danger and suspense given way by the ‘lonesome and a horrid retreat’,
the ‘shivering sand’ ‘ the unknown deeps below’, and the bay to which ‘No children from our
fishing village … ever come to play’, and ‘the birds of the air, give the shivering sand a wide
berth.’ the above descriptions fit to perfection in the classical gothic genre that might
characterise Collins’ ‘The Moonstone’, even the title of the passage is haunting and ghostly like.
The mysterious and deformed elements and descriptions, once again made me recall with
precision Shelley’s ‘Frankenstein’ genre.
Gender roles are portrayed in the novel as traditionally, man is the comforter, practical
supporter, caregiver to the rescue, whilst women represents the weaker sex. The defenseless
creature, conditioned to man’s commands and condescendence ‘ … but she sat down by me
like a good girl, when I told her’ (42). A feminist reader would be extremely critical of this
relationship. Despite Mr Betteredge uses terms of endearment such as ‘dear’ and takes her on
his knee to comfort a woman by the shortest way,’ (43), he appears to be sweet and caring,
inquiring about Rosanna’s tears, however, at the same time demanding and practical, ‘your past
life is all sponged out. Why can’t you forget it?’ (48). Mr Betteredge’s previous line makes me
recall Lady McBeth’s line in Shakespeare’s most recognized play, “ little water shall clear us
from the deed”. Characters, whom, despite experience and nature lack genuine repentment
and conscience whatsoever.
Mt Betteredge describes himself as ‘a slovenly old man’ (50), whom ‘the women clean o his
grease. Man at this stage is reduced to senility, and must be taken care by the caring female
role at home. Behaviours and assumption all particular to the epoch (1858)
Collins employs a wide range of literary figures such as personification in the description of the
quicksand shores of Yorkshire. ‘The and-hills here run down to the sea’ (6), providing these
settings with life of their own, convey fear in the reader of these mighty rocks and hills. ‘The
mouth of the bay’ (13) transform the image of nature into a fierce, devouring monster conveyed
also in the harsh consonants employed in ‘breaks the force’ (14), which contrast to the sibilance
employed in ‘smoothly with a heave, and covers the sand in silence’, in which the soft ‘s’ sounds
convey the tranquility, peace and calmness of the movement of the waters.
Because of the detailed nature of the beginning of the passage, the structure is a continuous,
coherent one. By the end of the second paragraph we discover it to be a cyclical structure,
“which brings us round happily to our former point, and starts us fair again on our way to the
sands (24), personally I perceive this detail to as the necessary element to convey how the
beauty of the walks and the horrid shores and cliffs are strong enough and capable of
distracting both the characters and readers. Once more Collins grants utter importance to the
majestic and admirable impact of nature. By suddenly being shifted to the original starting point
of the narrative the reader feels as lost as Rosanna.
In the midst of terrifying and gothic threatening setting descriptions of both the setting and
Rosanna, Collins manages to blend humour into the passage, as Mr. Betteredge remarks
“When you come to my age, you will find sitting down on the slope of a beach a much longer job
than you think it now” (39). The humorous comment provides comic relief to both the reader
and the and Rosanna who are caught in the emptiness, isolation and melancholy which dictate
the tone and mood of the passage; it serves also to relax the tense atmosphere conveyed by
the ‘shivering and trembling’ circumstances to which the reader is introduced.
One of the most captivating and curious features of the passage is, how the reader is left with a
range and variety of questions to resolve, for the text has left them unclear. Firstly, Mr
Betteredge introduces in his thoughts a ‘Nancy’ (44). The reader is bound to question who is
Nancy? Is she perhaps Mr Betteredge’s daughter? A young woman like Rosanna whom he
once hurt?. The passage ends and the reader is left thirsty for more of Collins’ engaging
literature. Is Nancy Mr Betteredge’s stain? He argues to Rosanna, ‘your past life is all sponged
out. Why can’t you forget it’ (49) however, in his last years he is found to still be thinking about
his own past.
As Rosanna responds to Mr Betteredge ‘My past life still comes back to me sometimes’, the
reader once more begins to question what makes Rosanna’s past so disturbing? What is the
stain on her past. Moreover, the last lines of the passage I believe to be Collins’ glorious final
strike, “The grease was gone, butthere was a little dull place left on the nap of the cloth where
the grease had been’ (55), ‘ the stain is taken off’, she said. ‘But the place shows, Mr Betteredge
– the place shows (57). With such a simple comparison Collins manages to provoke deep
thoughts in the reader. Deep reflections about the certainty of this statement which in theory, is
most similar to Shakespeare’s Macbeth; the belief that many psychoanalysts hold, arguing past
experiences shall forever dictate our present behavioural patterns, defending such state as the
conscience, the most effective vehicle to keeping the past present.
The dominant effect this passage had on my person, was wanting more of ‘The Moonstone’ ,
the desire to solve all uncertainties with which the plot left me and the interest enough to make
me want to read all previous and following chapters to this passage. The determination to
inquire into the character’s past and relationship. Above all, the admiration for Wilkie Collins
work which demands to be described as engaging, thought provoking, clever and magnificent.
Now do the following tasks:
1. Have a go at marking this commentary using:
a) the English marking symbols (for spelling, punctuation and grammar) - available on this
site.
b) the Language A1 Commentary marking criteria - available on this site.
c) The IB Commentary check sheet - available on this site.
d) the CALM-O commentary sheet - available on this site.
Write detailed comments under each of the headings:
• Understanding of Text
• Interpretation of Text
• Awareness of Literary Features
• Presentation
• Language
2000 A1 (HL) answer sheet.
